Never TIP TOE!

I’ve seen a lot of chatter about Russel T Davies’ new drama Tip Toe, and it’s not surprising, as it was exceptional viewing, if not harrowing.

I was a huge fan of ‘Queer as Folk’ back in 1999 and still blast out the soundtrack whilst getting ready for the occasional night out, although that doesn’t happen quite so often these days. Then came the trilogy ‘Cucumber/Banana/Tofu’ in 2015. That was followed by ‘It’s a Sin’ in 2021, which portrayed the devastating impact of the HIV/AIDS epidemic through the eighties and nineties.

I grew up in the eighties. In 1981, when the first person was recorded as dying of AIDS, I was seven. I was thirteen when the horrific AIDS tombstone advert terrified audiences in 1987.

I was seventeen when I heard that Freddie Mercury had died.  I was in the car with my dad, on my way to work as a lifeguard. The car fell silent; my heart broke that day.

After that, my life took a major turn.

I became a volunteer at AIDS Action in Hull. I attended schools, fairs, festivals, universities, and pubs and clubs, raising awareness of HIV/AIDS and promoting safer sex. My rucksack was constantly full of condoms, red ribbons and safe sex brochures.

I remember my mum looking for something in my bag and pulling out handfuls of condoms – “it’s not what you think,” I blushed.

On turning eighteen, I enrolled at college to study to become a therapist. I wanted to be able to support people living with HIV/AIDS and their families and friends.

I studied the virus relentlessly, day and night. I lectured my friends on keeping safe, worried about keeping myself safe. (Although I did have plenty of condoms on hand).

I knew about HIV/AIDS before I was old enough to understand sex, so I guess it changed my view. It was something considered dangerous, and at that time, rightly so.

I was straight-ish, and HIV was a real threat, even for young girls like me. It was never the gay disease,” some people claimed it was.

I remember leaving college one night; it was dusk, winter, and as I crossed town, I saw a group of people protesting outside city hall. As I got nearer, I noticed the banner and my heart sank.

AIDS IS GOD’S PUNISHMENT FOR GAYS!!!!

Tears pricked my eyes. I was devastated that someone could even think that. I was angry, livid, and saddened, and as I pushed through the crowds, they tried to hand me a leaflet. With my red ribbon proudly pinned to my chest, all I could say was fuck off!

Yes, I could have been a bit more diplomatic, but I was 17, and shocked at what I had witnessed.

I embraced the gay scene, made many friends and felt fully accepted.

I married, had kids and made sure I raised them to love everyone, no matter their race, sexuality, culture and so on. And I'm proud to say my kids have always sought out the child sitting alone at school and befriended them. They had queer friends, black friends, Asian friends, trans friends, bi friends, and I couldn’t be prouder.

My daughter didn’t have to ‘come out’ as bisexual because she knew it wouldn’t matter – I'd love her regardless. Although she did push it when I had to listen to Avril Lavigne’s "Sk8er Boi" on repeat for 2 years.

In 2010, I became the counselling manager at GenderShift and had my own counselling and support practise for people living with and affected by HIV/AIDS – the Mercury Trust. I’ve worked with, and have, many trans friends, and what they are forced to deal with appals me, especially now with the new proposed EHRC guidelines.

What a load of tosh!

I worked at Hull Rape Crisis for years, and as we know, the highest percentage of rapes are committed by family members, friends and people known to the victim.  I’m far more worried about trafficking and exploitation, drink-spiking and rape culture, misogyny and incel behaviour. They are the real threat to women, not trans women, who just want to pee in peace.

Most abusers feel the need to assert authority and power over women – you won't often find them wearing a dress and heels.

If one trans woman commits an assault, it doesn't make all trans women abusers. Just the same as all men aren't rapists. It’s a ridiculous notion.

I’m not entirely sure how they are going to police the new EHRC guidelines. What about trans men with full beards? Do you want them to pee in the ladies? How do you tell a cis man from a trans man?

Anyway, Melba's speech in “Tip Toe” said it all beautifully, and they were so right! 

I’m currently working on a stage play focusing on the LGBTQ community, particularly trans and non-binary.

I want to address how most trans people are treated daily. I have a very close friend who is trans, and every time we go out together, she is stared at. I see people nudge each other, make comments, snigger.  Most of the time I just ignore it, but sometimes it gets to me. Why can’t people just let others be who they want to be? How is it any of their business? If that person isn’t hurting anyone, let them be!

Stay in your lane and move along! People have the right to be who they are.

Have a wonderful PRIDE month!

As far as I'm concerned, never TIP TOE!